I’m starting to find that God really values patience. I mean seriously… there is SO much waiting going on in the Bible. He’s waiting right now on the right time to send His Son back here into the world. It’s already been a couple thousand year. That’s a long time. I couldn’t imagine having to wait that long but He is patient. I think that these last few years have been used by Him to teach me patience. Nannying for two little children, living in the most congested city EVERRR, trying to figure out what He wants me to do with my time over here… I have been dealing with these situations and the only way I got/am getting through them is by being patient. When the baby is crying and the toddler is just in a bad mood (little kids are allowed to be in funks for no reason- I mean I get in funks every single day!) all I could do is patiently rock the crying child outside and hope that a breath of fresh air would lighten the little children’s hearts. When I’m sitting in traffic I pray and sing REALLY loud… did I mention pray and pray and pray that I don’t jump out of my car and walk away from it?! (The motorcyclists have the right idea. I know motorcycles are dangerous but they are just SO much more practically in the crazy traffic-packed LA.)
However I’m really struggling trying to be patient during this time of waiting on the Lord. I feel distant from Him. I can’t tell what He’s saying to me. Has He backed off? Does He just want me to make a decision? Am I unknowingly living in sin and therefore creating a barrier between Him and me? I have no idea.
I really feel like it’s time for me to get into an intentional community setting (I’m just such a HUGE extrovert it’s not even funny. I have moments where I flip all the way onto the other side of the spectrum but I’m finding that I don’t dwell there. My personality has definitely made its home on the extrovert side while it takes frequent day trips to the other side of the spectrum. I think that there are many options, however most of these options would require me to move again. I don’t feel this is right. I LOVE where I’m at right now and I definitely haven’t heard the Lord tell me to move.
So… what now? I’m definitely in need of some community so please pray that I figure it out, or that God reveals it to me… either one is good with me.