Who am I when no one’s watching? Is it consistent with what I let people see? I became far too good at manipulation, letting others see only what I wanted them to see. It’s a good thing to be aware of who I’m around and be careful to not cause any of them to stumble.. but I can’t change a part of who I am just because I’m afraid of being vulnerable or rejected. It’s a good thing that my God is bigger… when I don’t have the strength to be real with people I just ask for help from He who gives me strength.
Who am I when no one’s watching? That’s the me that I want people to see. There’s beauty in vulnerability and I long to be stunning! It’s much easier said than done. Being vulnerable hurts. It can discourage. It can hurt. It can be frightening.
I’m starting to realize most of the time people don’t intentionally try to abuse my vulnerability, they just function and think differently than I do. I put myself out there over and over again… rejection left and right. But once I realize that it’s not intentional rejection then it hurts less. It’s hard to be vulnerable but as painful it can by James 1 encourages me that it will develop perseverance which will ultimately give me hope, as Paul reassures in Romans. Hope that will carry me from the rejection in this world into Jesus Christ’s arms of acceptance. Hope will allow my heart to open up it’s hardened doors to allow love to come in.
Who am I when no one’s watching? As intimidating as it is, I choose to be real. This is who I am. In my daily life, in my relationships, and in my blog I choose to let the world see the GOOD,
bad, beautiful, and the ugly in my life so that He might receive glory and so that His smile might shine down on me.
Does the beloved in Songs of Solomon hold anything back? Nope. Read through this book… it’s amazing! She’s stunning! She doesn’t keep anything hidden from her friends or her lover. She is who she is and she shines because of it. What does Mr. Lover have to say about her?
How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves (1:15). Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens (2:2). You have stolen my heart my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice (4:9-10)!
Woah… you better believe that my man is going to be quoting some Songs of Solomon to me one day : ). Why do you think she’s the most beautiful among all the other maidens? I believe that a lot has to do with how vulnerable she is with her lover. So many women hold back out of human instinct to protect themselves but in the process they lose that stunning feature the beloved has nestled in her heart and settles for less than beautiful. It’s a journey… learning how to conquer the fear with all of the wrong that has been done to us and all of the rejection we have received, but I tell you, you and “I can do anything through him who gives [us] strength” (Philippians 4:13).
Who are you when no one is watching? Who are you when everybody is watching? Are you real?