Breaking Down the Impenetrable Wall

It’s been a while… I met this amazing boy that I’ve been dating for almost a month, so I guess that’s a pretty good excuse. Everything’s going great except all of these big questions that tend to take over my mind every so often are resurfacing. What’s the point? What’s my purpose? What am I doing here? Why am I here? They’re all good questions to ask and I think I have pretty good answers, but when these questions consume me to the point where they drive me somewhat crazy they’re no longer helpful or productive. This stress tries to build an impenetrable wall between me and the Lord and I’m sick of letting that wall get higher and higher.

Jesus, could you take it down for me? All theses chaotic feelings of discontent, instead of having them pull me further away could You please use them to reel me in closer to Your heart. Jesus, could You use all of this to pull me closer to Jeff too? I don’t want my moods to make him feel like I’m about to bail or not enjoying the time we spend together.

I will have victory over this in the name of Jesus Christ. All this craziness will draw me closer to Him. All these raging emotions and never-ending questions that seem to never cease will make my relationship with Jeff even closer. Us learning how to like one another at our worst and learning how to comfort, encourage, and stand by one another when we can’t do it ourselves can only pull us closer together.

I may not know what my goals are for this year, where I’ll be in 5 years, or have any sort of plan/outline for my life, but my purpose does not come from what I’m doing but who I’m doing it all for. Whenever nonsensical worries and insatiable questions may swarm around in my souls, my purpose remains the same and my God remains bigger than all of it.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

“… be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 4:7-11


About Nicole Marie

I am a child of the Creator of this stunning, intricate universe
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