“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ For He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions (basically means the wing of a bird), and under His wings you will find refuge. His faithfulness is a shield and a buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night now the arrow that flies by the day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness nor the destruction that wastes at noonday,” Psalm 91 1-6.
Well this is an encouraging verse. It was definitely what I needed to read after the sermon today. I also needed to read it before I wrote this blog so anxiety wouldn’t try to creep in on me. I need this protection, I need this fortress to run to when I feel overwhelmed and stressed.
So now moving on, Pastor Zack hit on many other things today, but I took away one simple concept: God moves a lot slower than I do. It amazes me that He doesn’t get frustrated. I’m SO impatient and most of the time I’m SO blind.
Here’s what goes through my mind…
I can’t see that He has big plans for me. I feel like I’m wasting my time. I can’t clearly see my purpose. I feel completely overwhelmed and stressed out. I don’t know what to do. I think about how I’m allowing more anxiety to creep in. Blah blah blah…
Honestly, I know the “right” answer to most of these things. Take for instance, “I can’t clearly see my purpose.” I know that my main purpose in this life and after is to be loved by God, give it back to Him, and let it pour out into a broken world. I know that I’m here to worship Jesus, to be loved by God, and to be mentored and taught by the Holy Spirit about how exactly I do all of this. So… this is the good “Christian” answer, but then why do I still feel like I don’t know what my purpose is?
See, I could be fake. I could find the perfect answers and appear to be the “perfect” Christian, but I refuse to do that. God wants people to be real. Well this is me being real, this is what I struggle with.
Back to the sermon… God moves a lot slower than I do. I feel like if I’m not accomplishing BIG things every day, if I’m not working towards any goal whatsoever, and if I’m not checking off things on my to-do list then I’m not really putting all I have into this life. How do I fulfill my purpose or figure out His plans for me if I’m not trying to figure it out and staying crazy busy? Well, God doesn’t work like that. He chooses to reveal things to me in His time. The Holy Spirit knows that my head might be able to comprehend the fact that my main purpose in life is to live as loved but He also knows that it hasn’t really registered in my heart… and that’s okay. He’d rather open my heart and give me wisdom so I might truly understand these things in His own perfect time, not overnight (as I expect or would like).
So at this point I’m not even sure what’s making me worry. I guess sometimes I feel like I’m in this alone because God seems so distant. Well I’ll tell you He seems distant ’cause I’m pushing Him away. I’m trying to movemovemove and workworkwork all while He’s saying, “CHILD STOP! Just be with me! Just breathe me in and out. I’ll help you to let it all go.” I believe I will look back on my life when it’s all over and see clearly what His plans were for my life and I will understand why things didn’t go the way I predicted or hoped they would. His way is better and His plans are FAR better and FAR more than anything I can or will ever be able to imagine.
If you worry about these things as I do, God says to let it go. STOP thinking! Verse 4 in Psalm 91 talks about God shielding me with a buckler. It’s basically just a shield but looking at a more detailed definition brings even more into the light. A buckler is very light weight and makes it easy to use when being attacked. The shield I try to use is full of worry and burdens. It is heavy and difficult to use. It rarely protects me from the strong attacks of the enemy; however, the shield God protects me with is light and free of worry, stress, and burdens. A buckler is also used to attack the enemy. God uses His light, yet strong shield to protect me and fight back against the enemy. I’m not fighting alone.
God, help me to be still in You. Help me to understand that You have big plans for me and please let it register in my heart. Help me to be content here where I’m at and help me to slow down and be satisfied even if I feel like nothing is being accomplished. Help me to be wise and smart, I don’t want to be lazy, but I also don’t want to feel this overwhelming feeling anymore. I want Your plans to be a surprise and I don’t need to know what they are right at this second. Please help me and all the others out there that struggle with this same issue; please help us Lord!